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Writer's pictureKatherine Scrimgeour

Embracing Solotuide: How Traveling Alone and Dating Yourself Can Transform Your Life

Hello Gorgeous people, how are you’re doing? I hope your well.


I’m off to Bali for a month, and I leave TOMORROW! I’ve had a rush of nervousness, excitement, a bit of sadness, but also an undeniable sense of pure delight!


This trip is not just about exploring a new destination; it’s about continuing to love and commit to myself and my life, to romanticise it; to not wait for the perfect travel companion before biting the bullet and booking my dream holiday.


I’ve been single for over four years now, and before that, I was completely co-dependent, meaning I was reliant on other people to get me through life. I couldn’t imagine doing anything without someone by my side. Whether it was grabbing a coffee, taking a walk, going to the cinema, or going on holiday, I needed company. The thought of doing any of these things on my own used to seem ridiculous to me.


Me? Go for a walk by myself? How boring!

Dinner for one? What if people think I have no friends?

Making something delicious just for me? What the point?

A solo holiday? Are you crazy!

 

But over the years, I’ve learned something important: life doesn’t wait. It doesn’t pause for you to find a travel companion, to be in the perfect relationship, or to hit some external milestone. Life is happening right now!


And if you’re not living it fully for yourself, then who or what are you waiting for?


Stop Waiting, Start Living


So many of us postpone truly living. We wait for the perfect circumstances, the perfect time, the perfect person, the next promotion, house, or car.


But your life does not begin in your Sixties once you retire. It doesn’t begin next Monday. It’s happening right now.


We say, "Once I’m in a relationship, I know I will finally feel fulfilled" or "Once I get the promotion, buy the house, or hit that next goal, I’ll be happy" Or “I’ll take the trip of a lifetime some day, once the kids grow up or once I retire."


But what if those things don’t ever happen? Or, what if they do and it turns out they aren’t the magical solutions we were expecting them to be? What if you end up wasting the most precious thing you have—your time? This time being your life.


The truth is, joy, happiness, love and fulfilment aren’t found in some distant future or perfect moment or in material things—they exist in the present—in this very moment—and in the way we FEEL. 


Happiness isn’t a thing, it’s a feeling.


Joy isn’t a thing, it’s a feeling.


Love isn’t a thing… you guessed it, it’s a feeling. And these feelings come from and exist within us. Meaning they’re ours to create. It’s our responsibility to discover what brings us joy, what excites us and then give and gift those things to ourselves.


If I told you that you couldn’t feel happiness, joy, or love until a year or two from now—when the perfect person arrives at the perfect time and just so happens to know exactly what makes you feel happiness, joy and love—you would think I was crazy, right?


So why postpone your life? Why wait for people, things, or external validation to start feeling and living your life?


I’ve stopped waiting and started romanticising the small moments in my life. I don’t wait any more to do the things that I love. Instead, I date myself. I’ve enjoyed hundreds of solo coffee dates, I’ve had delicious candle-lit dinners at home by myself, I’ve gone to the workshop or event alone, and I’ve been on three solo-holidays abroad (soon to be 4!) and multiple mini breaks closer to home.



These moments, once filled with anxiety about being alone, have turned into cherished rituals that make me fall in love with my life a little more each day.


Your life is a gift and your days are counting so why not make them count?


Falling in Love with Yourself


Learning to spend time alone is more than just an act of independence and autonomy—it’s an act of self-love. This is what true self love means! It’s not the bath, the face mask or the shopping trip (although these things are glorious too!) It’s showing ourselves that we can still live and love life for ourselves no matter what is going on around us every single day. 


It’s a way of affirming that you’re worthy of your own company, that your time and experiences are valuable without needing validation from others. Without feeling the need to post everything on social media for love and praise; instead, you learn to give that love and praise to yourself.


We often romanticise love with another person, but what about the romance we can have with our own lives and ourselves? What if we prioritised our own needs, wants, and desires? What if we fell in love with the one person who will always be there for us: ourselves?


Imagine lighting candles for yourself at dinner, buying yourself the most gorgeous flowers, dressing up just because it feels good, or taking yourself to a movie or on a walk simply to enjoy your own company. Life becomes infinitely richer when you realise that you are your best companion, and no matter who comes and goes, you will always be there for you.



Remember that there is not a one-size-fits-all to romance. Find out what sweeps you off your feet by asking yourself what you are waiting for someone else to give you, and give it to yourself.


Is it really that easy?


I’ll be honest with you, doing things alone when you have never done so before is uncomfortable, because only because it’s unfamiliar. But the only way to make the unfamiliar, familiar, is to do it, with consistency.


It’s like stepping into a gym for the first time —you won’t feel confident at first because it’s new territory. But the more you go, the more you learn, the easier it becomes. With time and consistency, it starts to feel amazing!


Practical Tips to Embrace Your Solo Journey


Here are a few simple ways you can start romanticising your own life and falling in love with yourself:


  1. Schedule solo dates: Whether it's a coffee break at your favourite café, a visit to the art gallery or a solo cinema date, intentionally set aside time to do something just for you. Consistency is key here. So, book in an hour, weekly, which is just for you to romanticise and date yourself.


  2. Create rituals that make you feel special: Light some incense when you’re getting ready, wear the sexy lingerie just because it makes you feel good, treat yourself to some fresh flowers, or dress up for no reason other than it makes you smile when you catch a glimpse of yourself.


  3. Practice mindfulness in during your time in solitude: Whether you’re walking, working, or preparing a meal, be fully present. Notice the sounds, sights, and smells around you. Savour the details of your life to make it epically romantic!


  4. Travel alone, even if it’s just for a day trip: Start small by taking a solo day trip or bite the bullet and book your dream holiday. It’s the best thing I have ever done! You can enjoy the freedom of setting your own itinerary, doing what you want to do, when you want to do it. You can cancel plans and sleep in or decide last minute to dance the night away. It’s utterly liberating.  


  5. Talk kindly to yourself: Notice how you speak to yourself when you’re alone. Stop self-deprecating and start loving, respecting yourself and treating yourself like you would treat the ones that you love. You are worthy and deserving of the same love that you give to others. Be kind to yourself.


  6. Document your solo adventures: While taking pictures is a beautiful way to preserve a memory, it can sometimes pull us out of the moment if we are constantly looking at these moments through our phones. I recommend keeping a journal. Reflecting at the end of the day helps us to capture the real feeling behind the experience in our own words, deepening your connection to the moment whilst encouraging gratitude. Plus, journaling gives you something meaningful to look back on, serving as a reminder of your personal growth.


Takeaways


  • Life is happening now, not when you’ve achieved your next goal or found your dream partner. Stop waiting for your external circumstances to be perfect and start living fully in the present, now!


  • Falling in love with yourself means honouring your own company, romanticising the everyday moments, and realising that your happiness isn’t dependent on anyone or anything. It dependant on you, and how you feel about your life.


Question to journal on: How does your life feel to you right now? Note I didn’t ask how it looks… but how it feels.


  • Start small—schedule a solo date, create a simple ritual, or book the solo adventure. These practices will help you feel more connected to yourself and the beauty of your life.


As I prepare for my month in Bali, I feel a mix of nerves and excitement, but I’m ready. Ready to stop being passive and waiting for life to happen, and instead, to start actively participating in my life and creating it on my own terms.


It’s time for all of us to stop waiting and start living—fully, freely, and for once, start living life for ourselves.


With love,

Kat <3

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